Star Wars – A Brief History

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in the past in a galaxy far, far away…

All of it begins once the Trade Federation (boo, hiss) form a blockade around Naboo (small planet, big fish) and attempt an occupation. They fail miserably because of an opposition made up of 2 Jedi, Obi Wan Kenobi and Qui Gon Jinn, Queen Amidala of Naboo, a young boy named Some Gungans. and anakin Skywalker (The name Jar Jar Binks ring any bells. Meesa thought so!) Qui Gon dies battling a Sith (evil Jedi) while Obi Wan takes Anakin under the wing of his when it is discovered he’s surrounded by the Force, which supplies the Jedi with the powers of theirs.

Ten years down the line, Obi Wan and Anakin meet Amidala (or maybe Padme to the friends of her) once again, when an attempt on the life of her is created. Obi-Wan uncovers a sinister conspiracy (involving clones, a lot of clones) and Padme and Anakin flutter eyelashes at one another. That is pretty much it for that one.

Oh yeah, they get married.

Turns out that Palpatine, the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic (good guys), is really a Sith Master. He uses the army of clones to kill all the Jedi and seduces Anakin (not in this way) over to the dark side. Padme dies giving birth to twins, Obi Wan chops Anakin’s legs off, and the Republic falls, replaced by the Empire and overseen by the tyrannical Palpatine. Padme’s twins are actually sent to various areas of the galaxy, Obi Wan goes into hiding and Anakin becomes Darth Vader. Exactly who does not love a happy ending?

*and breathe

Nineteen years later along with a rebellion, fronted by Princess Leia, has risen against the Empire. Plans are actually taken to assist the rebels destroy the Empires WMD, referred to as the Death Star, as well as sent to Tatooine to have the safe hands of Obi Wan. Helped by a male called Cocky pilot and luke Skywalker Han Solo (and Chewbacca of course), the rebels destroy the Death Star. Obi-Wan is killed by Luke and darth Vader learns he’s a Jedi. Han and Luke receive Medals of Bravery. Chewbacca, disgustingly, doesn’t.

And so, Luke goes off to the Dagobah system to be trained by age-old Jedi master Yoda, but leaves as he realises that the friends of his, Han and Leia, are actually in danger. Han is actually frozen in carbonite and sent off to space gangster slug (it is a thing) Jabba the Hut, while Luke confronts Vader. Luke discovers that Vader is the father of his (collective gasp) but manages to get away.

Han is duly rescued, and Luke finds out that Leia is the sister of his (best erase the memory of that kiss quite quickly). Palpatine is actually hellbent on turning Luke to the dark side and concocts a sinister plan to pressure him (no pun intended) in to it by sending the buddies of his to a trap. It fails; the rebels defeat Palpatine’s army as well as the loyal companion of his, Darth Vader, turns against him, throwing him down a shaft to save Luke’s life. Vader dies a hero (much like the sibling’s kiss, we will only remove the memory of the millions killed before the change of his of the Empire and heart) is actually no more….or so we thought

Because Leia and Han had a baby. Little, adorable baby Ben, who grew up to be not as cute Kylo Ren (OK, he’s quite dreamy still), who, out of the ashes of the Empire, helped to generate The very first Order. And so once more Leia, Han, the pals of theirs at a team and the Republic of newbies (Rey, Finn and Po Damaran) fight to stop the very first Order from using the own Death Star of theirs on steroids, cryptically named Starkiller Base, to wipe out billions. Stop it they actually do, however, not before Kylo kills Han, as well as confronts Rey, whom it turns out is actually a bit’ Forcey’ herself. She heads off to find Luke Skywalker for several Jedi training even though the First Order, along with The Resistance, regroup.

Kylo becomes obsessed with finding Rey, but likewise eradicating Luke, whom he holds a very big grudge against (admittedly Luke did attempt to kill him while he slept). The very first Order lay waste to The Resistance, and only when it appears everything is actually doomed, Luke returns to save the day. He sacrifices himself as a way for the final several members of The Resistance to escape; which they actually do with a bit of help from Rey, now apparently in total control of the Jedi powers of her.

And therefore, just love that, we get ready for the end (not like the other fifteen Star Wars trilogies already in development of course). Will Rey rise leading a brand new generation of Jedi or perhaps will that be the last time that we pick up the distinctive hum of the lightsaber? Can there be any chance of salvation for Kylo Ren? And can Chewbacca ever receive the medal of his?